WHEN IN CROSSROADS

By Andrea Guachalla

Life crossroads.

If you take path A your life will look a certain way. If you take path B your life might look just the opposite.

It happens to everyone at least a couple of times in their lives when they have to choose one of two paths. It happens when you marry. It happens when you move out of town. It happens when you… Decide which career path to follow. And in all cases it does feel as if you were choosing between black and white, without even the remote possibility of choosing grey.

Deciding which career path to follow has been my crossroad for longer than I’d have imagined:

Path A – I continue my scientific career as I had already planned years ago. Or Path B – I build a career as a Christian writer/project manager and work in ministry. Path A seems like the option my old self would go for: seems predictable enough, plausible, and would potentially bring much intellectual satisfaction to my life in the near future, and long term. Path B, on the other hand, is the option my old self would have never considered: though it allows me to respond to people’s spiritual and material needs, it is a rather unpredictable, and chaotic path.

Where do I go then? 

Before making any long term decisions, I’ve had to stop and think: WHY?

Whichever career path I decide to follow in the long-term, why would I follow it? If I continue to do science, what would my truest motivation be to do so? If I drop my scientific career completely and dedicate my life to ministry, why would I do it?

Now, before answering those questions, there is another that needs an imperative answer: 

What if I do both?

And the answer is: I just can’t. Though I happen to know a couple of very strong Christian women who work part/full-time as scientists while also serving their families and local churches, this seems impossible in my case. Given all the projects that I’m involved in, and the opportunities that have been arising and will continue to arise in the future, all I can conclude is: I CAN’T DO BOTH.

Each path is a full-time job if you are intentional and purposeful. Doing both things would take time that I don’t have, not to mention that it would most likely cause me to neglect both family, and church family. So… After much counsel, and looking into God’s Word for answers, and going back and forth in my mind on whether path A or B would be better, I’m left with these few words echoing in my mind: “Andrea, you have too many plans and only one earthly life. You have to choose.” As my sister advises.

Grumpily, I accept that she is right. But I’m too much of a coward to decide now (though I’m investing my time in Path B for now) so I’m giving myself this magic year to make a final decision and seek God’s counsel and wisdom. 

However, all of this drama in my mind brought me again to the first question that needed an answer: WHY? Answering this question brings me both shame and peace depending on which path I talk about. 

Here I go…

Why Path A?

I will honestly confess that this answer brings me shame. I’ve discovered that the only reason I want to continue my career as a scientist is not so I can honor God, but so I can glorify myself: continuing my work as a scientist would bring me praise from people, such as my colleagues, and my family. Of course, I’ve spent months trying to convince myself that I would do it to serve God, help others, and encourage young scientists, and surely there is something genuine in those desires. However, my desire to be a scientist is namely for self-exaltation, therefore it’s not God-glorifying. Could that motivation change? Sure. But right now my heart is not in line with God’s heart regarding my scientific career.

Why Path B?

Because I love God, and I love His people. That’s the only reason I would decide to leave all those years of hard work and time invested in science, and follow a completely different path. Building a career as a Christian writer and managing projects since 2019 has given me a joy and peace that I cannot explain, and it has led me to depend completely upon the Lord, which is something I never thought I needed when I was working as a scientist. Renouncing all the dreams I had regarding science would be challenging and sad of course, but at least I would be sure that my only motivation for following this path would be to glorify God, deny myself,  and serve others.

Now, let’s go back to the “life crossroad” question: Which career path do I follow? And the answer is: I still don’t know. But allow me to tell you three things that I’ve learned while looking for an answer, and that I hope will help you in your journey too: 

Whatever you do, you must do it out of love – Everything you do must be done out of love for God, and Christ our Savior. And that will consequently lead you to serve others in love and patience not only with the career you decide to follow, but also on a daily basis. There is a reason love is counted as greater than hope and faith, so that by loving we portray God’s greatest character trait (1Cor 13).

Your value is not defined by a career – Ultimately, our value is defined by God, and not by what we do and the needs we respond to. We are valuable because the Father drew us to Him, and by placing our faith in Christ we received the Holy Spirit that now dwells in us and sanctifies us. We are valuable because God created us, and because He is the one who works through us. There is nothing good in us except for Him, and we are only able to follow His commandments because He changes our hearts, and our desires. 

Your have a heavenly identity – Whether a scientist, or a writer, married or single, rich or poor, our identity is that we are children of God if we believe in Jesus Christ. At the end of the day, I’m not a scientist, and I’m not a writer. I’m not just a number, but I’m a child of God who is used by Him despite my weaknesses and limitations. I’m a child of God even when I don’t have all the answers.