HOW AM I BETTER OFF THAN IF I HAD SINNED?: a word to the heartbroken

By Andrea Guachalla

While Job questions the reason he is suffering so much he asks:

“How am I better off than if I had sinned?” – Job 35:3

He had done nothing wrong, he had been this exemplary person, he would follow God’s commandments, and would even make offerings to God in case his sons and daughters had sinned against him. Reputable, intelligent, wise man he was, and yet the greatest disgrace came upon him.

He lost his land, he lost his cattle, he lost his sons, daughters, and servants, furthermore, he lost his health, and his reputation, and the only people who were there to comfort him were making things worse than they were.

He was alone. Or at least he felt that way. He had been good and yet God had allowed all this destruction. He probably looked around at the people nearby and asked himself why they, who were not even close to being as faithful and wise as him, didn’t have to endure half of the hardships he was facing.

Why?

Don’t you ask yourself that when things go wrong though you’ve been trying to serve God? Don’t you question God’s goodness when it seems He is punishing you though you are genuinely trying to follow His commandments? Don’t you shake your fist at heaven sometimes and demand an answer? Don’t you ever go as far as to say “how am I better off than if I had sinned”?

I have asked all these questions at a certain moment. I still do in my moments of weakness. “How am I better off than if I had sinned?”

You try to serve, you try to know God more deeply, you pray, you go to church, you put others’ well-being before yours, you renounce your worldly dreams in an attempt to follow God’s commands… And yet instead of getting a tangible reward you get rejected, insulted, mocked, persecuted, you lose your job, or your health, or friends, or even family members. The reward never seems to come, the desires of your heart never seem to be fulfilled. Disgrace after disgrace seems to be the only thing that awaits you.

How am I better off serving a God who doesn’t seem to care for me, than sinning as the world does? I know men and women who couldn’t care less about God and His commandments, they follow their ways according to their worldly wisdom, and they don’t seem to ever face half of the hardships many Christians face. It almost seems like they are being rewarded for their unfaithfulness and rebellion, whilst Christians are being punished for the exact opposite. 

In our weakest, darkest moments we tend to compare our lives to that of others and ignore God’s blessings. Flooded by discontentment as we are sometimes we tend to focus on the hardships of life and not on the things we are given without deserving them, the first of them being salvation through Christ, a gift from God given to His people. We ignore that even if unbelievers seem to be enjoying themselves genuinely, they will face the greatest condemnation at the end of their lives, that of being at war with a Holy God who will judge them for their rebellion against Him. God delivers them to their passions, vices, and sinful desires as a way of condemning them, not rewarding them. 

That might be easy to understand, right? Whoever rejects Christ might do well in this world by human standards, but hell awaits them. The Bible is clear on that.

What is hard is to understand the purpose God has with all the hardships we face in our Christian life, although the Bible is also clear on that (James 1). Following and obeying Christ does certainly bring suffering to the point that it makes you ask: What’s the point of all this? If life is all about suffering and facing greater and greater hardships wouldn’t it be better to die? Or as Job reasoned, wouldn’t it be better to have never been born, to have never existed?

That it’s better to die is correct to say, Paul talks about that and says to die is gain, because it means you will be reunited with the Father in all glory, away from sin, away from suffering. But to wish to have never been born or never existed is a different thing, perhaps a clear sign of ingratitude for the life we were given, even if it is one full of hardships. There is always one thing to be grateful for even when everything else seems to be broken and rotten: Christ, the one who brings us peace with God, something we could never achieve in our own strength.

And I know… You can be thankful for Christ and the salvation He brings upon those who believe in Him, and still grieve, and doubt God’s grace when you are suffering. But let me encourage you with this:

No matter the circumstances you are in or how great the hardships you are facing are, the real reward is that you are allowed to serve God and call Him Father, and to be able to call Christ your Savior. Even if you lose your land, and your sons and daughters, and you lose your health and your reputation, and there is absolutely no one there to give you a word of true comfort, God has given you eternal life through Christ. Even if the desires of your heart are never fulfilled, you can find contentment in Christ who laid down His own life to save you, a wretched sinner.

And I know… When you’re blinded by suffering and your inability to understand it, focusing on eternity and salvation might give you little to no comfort at all. You might be even tempted to give up on following Christ because it seems too hard, it seems too vain. And it is hard, that’s true, but it’s certainly not vain. Therefore, in your darkest moments look to Christ and how He offered himself as a sacrifice for you, if you feel heartbroken ask Him to comfort your soul, if you feel like not reading your Bible, schedule a time to read it regardless, if you feel too weak spiritually to go to church, go anyway if you have absolutely no strength to pray, ask others to pray for you. Hold on to Christ, and allow others to serve you in those moments of need.

Know that you are certainly better off than if you had sinned, you are better off being a servant of a Holy God who has a purpose with the suffering you’re going through, than being a servant of sin and ignoring the meaning of what life brings. Remember that your reward is Christ himself, and let your heart rejoice at knowing that He is a loving savior. Hold on to Him with all your strength because He will hold you fast.