By Andrea Guachalla
A few weeks ago the famous Taylor Swift released a new and unexpected album titled “The Tortured Poets Department”. This is her eleventh studio album and is preceded by dozens of songs spread across 10 other albums in which the singer talks about heartbreaks and breakups as the main topic. It is precisely for this reason that it is not at all surprising that her latest album refers to her last and public breakup.
I personally think that Taylor Swift is an admirable businesswoman and a very dedicated artist. She has proven to be one since she was a teenager and began her musical career with the help of her family. But that’s not the reason I want to talk about her latest album.
Given that Taylor Swift has tirelessly profited from her romantic relationships throughout her career and her songs are widely known for openly referencing her ex-boyfriends in a very specific way, I think it’s good to take an article to analyze how her songwriting is a reflection of her bad decisions and emotional immaturity over the years, since this can leave a good lesson to young women who take her as a role model and are trapped in romantic relationships that have no future.
But before continuing, I would like to clarify that the objective of this article is not to insult the artist personally, but to analyze the results of the life of a public figure who ignores God and lets herself be carried away by emotions.
As is known to the general public, Taylor Swift’s latest album makes open and direct reference to her relationship with a British actor named Joe Alwyn, with whom she had a breakup last year after six years of relationship. Before that, it is necessary to mention, the artist was in consecutive monogamous relationships for over 15 years. It is publicly known that she had at least 10 different relationships that never ended in marriage despite the wishes expressed by the artist.
If there is something redeemable about Taylor Swift, morally speaking, it is that she openly expresses her desire to be a wife and mother. Something that is despised by artists of the same caliber. Through the common grace of God, Swift seems to understand that marriage and motherhood are a greater calling, even if she does not express it in terms of her longing responding to God’s design for her.
A song from the album titled So Long London goes as follows:
“Just how low did you think I’d go ‘fore I’d self implode?
‘Fore I’d have to go be free?
You swore that you loved me but where were the clues?
I died on the altar waiting for the proof
You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days”
This part of the chorus caught the attention of many conservatives and even Christians and caught my attention as well. In it, she succinctly explains that she believed she was loved by this man to whom she gave six years of her life, and that even though that man claimed to love her, she had no choice but to conclude that this was not the case. Why? Because in six years of relationship the guy never took the step of asking her to marry him and committing to being with her for the rest of their lives. The artist spent years waiting to see the proof of his love and “died at the altar” waiting to see it.
It is important to mention that Taylor Swift remained in this relationship from the age of 27 to the age of 33, crucial years in a woman’s biological clock. And despite having spent her younger years with this man, she never received an engagement ring that would bring her closer to satisfying her longing to get married and have children.
Ouch.
Six years of her life for nothing… And that is why I thought it was important to touch on this topic both in the podcast and also in writing.
Taylor Swift is not the only woman who has been involved in a long romantic relationship with no future, and she is not the only one who has been going from man to man consecutively for years. I know that there are many women who have lived or live that way, and they seem to be looking for something that they cannot find in a finite, earthly man. It is important that they know it. The ultimate satisfaction and true joy can only be found in Christ, in a real relationship with God, and following His commandments and statutes.
A woman who has not placed her joy, identity, and worth in Christ will continue to seek to be validated, loved, and accepted by men.
Some points I would like to address now are: (i) The guilt women carry when they stay in in relationships with no future for years, (ii) What are the characteristics of a relationship that DOES have a future, and (iii) What are some red flags that should make you doubt that you are in a purposeful relationship.
(i) Woman, take responsibility for your decisions
Woman, it’s easy to blame men when a relationship doesn’t work out. But you must take responsibility for your own decisions. If you have been in a romantic relationship with a man who has never expressed that the purpose of the relationship is marriage, what are you doing there? Flee! A man who does not clearly express the objective of the courtship stage is simply playing with you, and receiving benefits without the intention of taking responsibility for leading a relationship as a man.
Much worse, if you are with a man who has expressed that he does NOT want to get married NOR have children… Run! What are you waiting for? Don’t hope that this man will change for you. Staying in such a relationship for years will lead you to sin and waste your youth.
On the other hand, for Christian women, one must take responsibility for her decision to sin by entering into an unequally yoked relationship. That is to say, a woman who decides to begin a dating phase with a man who is not a Christian is sinning and the consequences fall on her shoulders. Woman, flee from unequally yoked relationships! The Bible condemns them (2 Cor 6, Neh 13), and with good reason it does so. A woman who knowingly is unequally yoked sins against God and herself.
Finally: Woman, if you keep acting like a teenager, entering and exiting fleeting romantic relationships, stop doing it. Stop wearing yourself out emotionally, physically, and even more so if your relationships frequently turn sexual. Stop sinning against yourself like this. Seek to mature emotionally and spiritually.
Now, if you are really willing to be patient and long for God’s will to be fulfilled in your life regarding marriage, let’s take a look at some characteristics of purposeful relationships, and some red flags.
(ii) Characteristics of a purposeful relationship
A dating relationship must begin with the initiative of a mature and courageous man who intends to begin courtship with the clear and explicit intention of getting married if the Lord directs the couple towards that. A mature, biblical man will never begin a confusing relationship or friendly interactions without clearly expressing the reason.
To do this, the first thing a serious man who is interested in you will do is: be careful not to get your hopes up or awaken feelings in you for him before he has explicitly expressed interest. When he is sure that he knows you well enough, he will ask your parents for permission to go out with you. He will gird his loins like a brave man and go talk to your parents about why he is interested in you, what is the purpose of starting a dating relationship, and what are the circumstances and characteristics that lead him to think that he is ready to face the responsibility of leading one.
Naturally, this implies that a man who is looking to begin a purposeful courtship will give clear signs before and during the relationship of these things: ability to lead the relationship by exercising self-control and firmness, ability to work to provide for a family, the desire to protect his girlfriend and those close to him physically, spiritually and emotionally, and lastly, he will show a willingness to instruct his girlfriend and others about the bible, how it applies to the Christian life, and his life will be an example of pursuing holiness.
Once the relationship begins, a serious man will immediately flee from sexual and immoral temptations, and with much more effort will seek to ensure that his girlfriend is never sexually tempted during the course of the relationship. This requires a lot of self-control on the part of the man, and the conviction to seek the holiness to which God calls us, and it is good to observe these things as women who long for a man who can protect us in every way. I will talk a little more about this topic below.
(iii) Red flags!
During courtship it is good to be very attentive to attitudes that may be alarming in a man, be in constant prayer and ask advice from our families and close Christian friends. They will help us evaluate whether some attitudes are normal, worrying, or reasons to end a relationship.
Among the most relevant things that I could mention today, which I consider to be red flags that should lead us to seek advice, reprehend the man, and/or end the relationship are the following:
If the man has begun to become emotionally involved with you and is seeking to have a close “friendship” without first having expressed interest in you, and he seems to be keeping this “special friendship” hidden from his family and friends, this can happen for two reasons: cowardice or because the guy is just playing around. In both cases, a woman has no responsibility to continue interacting with such a man, since he has demonstrated that he wants the benefits of a courtship without taking the responsibility of leading one.
Continuing along the same lines, if a man before or already in a relationship waits for you to tell him what to do and for you to lead in the decisions that need to be made, you can conclude that he does not intend to lead whatsoever. As a woman you must be patient and wait for him to take the initiative to move forward in the relationship wisely. If he waited for you to propose starting a relationship, or waited for you to define the purpose of the relationship, and waited for you to talk about marriage, we can conclude that he is not ready to assume the responsibilities of a courtship, much less of a marriage.
Another alarming attitude is when very early in the relationship the man seeks to have physical contact with you in the form of hugs, kisses, or caresses. That should be reserved for marriage and should lead you to doubt that such a man can exercise self-control and protect you from sexual immorality. Along the same lines, if a man constantly struggles with pornography, or can’t stop himself from looking at immodestly dressed women on the street, or constantly crosses your boundaries, you can reasonably conclude that he is still an immature boy who is going to hurt you.
There is much more that could be said regarding each of these points, but I hope these are a good introduction for women who are patiently waiting for the will of the Lord. Perhaps in the future I can write separate articles regarding several of the points we touched on today.
For now, I want to call on women to invest their time well during their singleness season. Seek to grow in holiness, to equip yourself to be a pious woman as the Word commands us. Woman, prepare for marriage and motherhood always in submission to the will and timing of the Lord. If you have been living in sin regarding romantic relationships and have been searching for your meaning in a man, run to Christ, repent, and start asking for advice. Don’t waste your younger years in short-lived relationships with no future.
