The couple has their happily ever after. The credits roll. The movie ends. Many chick flicks follow this pattern. While the genre of movies may be popular to watch, the final scenes fail to capture real life. The wedding does not mark the end of moments of miscommunication between the couple nor does the wedding mark the beginning of pure bliss in the couple’s relationship. Too many movies place their focus on having the dream wedding to the neglect of the dealing with the realities of marriage.
Since the beginning, marriage has been a beautiful gift of God (see Genesis 2:22-24). God created male and female so that they may be husband and wife and complement one another. Yet, due to sin (Genesis 3:1-14), the reality of marriage is becoming one flesh in a fallen world with a fellow sinner. Dear single brother, I want you to see marriage as the blessing it is from the Lord while also recognizing the reality of marriage in a fallen world. Single brother, I want to help prepare you for this reality by offering this exhortation: Be prepared to fight for your marriage by preparing to fight against your own sin.
The Reality of Fighting for Your Marriage
My heart aches as I reflect on the hours of counseling I have spent with married couples who cannot seem to get along or even have a cordial conversation without a conflict arising. Accusatory and assuming remarks ignite defensive responses, which lead to raised voices and silent treatments. This begs the question in the mind of the couple of not only why they got married in the first place but whether they should even bother to stay married.
You may be surprised to hear that the problem with these married couples is not that they fight. Fighting is not inherently wrong. In the Bible, we are told to “fight the good fight of the faith” (1 Timothy 6:12), and the Apostle Paul says he “has fought the good fight” (2 Timothy 4:7-8). The problem is not about what fighting is but in what we are fighting for.
Couples who wonder whether they should call it quits are couples who have learned to fight against each other. In their conflicts, they typically view themselves as the victim and are the ones who have been wronged. To be clear, there are circumstances of abuse where it is true that a spouse is being wronged and is a victim who needs to care. However, in other situations whether spouses are in conflict over their competing desires, they have focused on their selfish passions without regard for their spouse. Instead of fighting alongside of their partner, they are fighting against them.
Marriage brings together a couple and makes them “one flesh”. The purpose of marriage is to reflect Christ and the church through love, sacrifice, and submission (see Ephesians 5:22-33). If marriage is the bringing together of two people to be reflection of Jesus and His bride, then we must see the place for fighting in a marriage is not against your spouse but with your spouse. Brothers, you will be tempted to want to win the argument in each conflict you face with your future bride. Please do not give into that temptation. Rest in the gospel and display a humility that shows your wife that you are not seeking to work against her but fight for her and for your marriage.
Be Realistic in the Fight Against Your Sin
The reality you must fight for your marriage leads to the fight against your sin. We have already admitted we tend to want to rehearse how we have been wronged while wanting to give into the desires we have. I have been quick to listen reasons in my head how my wife has not considered me even while I am only thinking about my own desires and preferences. In those moments, I am so blind to my sin or willing to minimize it in order to shift the blame elsewhere.
The truth is if we are going to succeed in the battle in fighting for our marriage, we must fight against our sin. 1 Peter 2:11 reminds us we are “to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul”. Marriage is a sweet gift, but the Lord uses it also as a tool for our sanctification. Becoming one flesh with another person exposes our own selfish tendencies while also reminding us of the grace we only find in Christ. The grace we find in Christ gives us the strength we need to endure the struggle and wage war against the sin that wages war against our soul. We must prioritize our relationship with the Lord first and then with our wife if we are going to fight against our sin. We must lead our wives spiritually, which includes confessing when we have sinned and being open and honest about the struggles we are facing. Dear single brother, if you want peace with God and with your wife once you enter the covenant of marriage, then you must fight against sin. The only way to pursue peace in the marriage relationship is to be prepared in fighting for your marriage by fighting against your sin.
Look Forward to the Marriage Supper
We will not find perfect peace here on earth as we still battle our sin. Hallmark movies may end with the wedding, but is never the end of the story. Yet, the Bible does tell us of a wedding that does mark the end of the story while also points to the start of eternal bliss. One day Christ will return for His bride, the Church. On that day, there will be no sin to fight against and true peace will be realized because the marriage that all human marriages are meant to point to will be consummated in the Marriage Supper of the Lamb (see Revelation 19:6-9). Therefore, dear single brother, find courage and strength to look forward to that reality while being realistic in your marriage. Look forward not only to your wedding but to the Marriage Supper of the Lamb.
