By Andrea Guachalla
A bit over a year ago, in March of 2023, I watched one of the most disturbing interviews I have ever seen. It was Jordan Peterson interviewing Stephen Shaw, a data scientist from the UK, where they talked about the falling birth rates worldwide. I hope the title of the interview gives you a glimpse of the urgency of the topic: “The Epidemic That Dare Not Speak Its Name: Unplanned Childlessness”.
Stephen and Jordan discussed statistics on marriage, birth rates, average ages for marriage and having a first child, childlessness around the globe, and the terrible consequences all of this is having in countries like Italy, South Korea, and Japan. Something that impacted me from the documentary (you can click here to watch it) is that several women in their thirties and forties are shown talking about their experience with failed relationships and marriages that led to shattered dreams of one day becoming mothers. In between scenes Stephen explains how birth rates have been spiraling down for decades.
I believe the documentary is a perfect mix of showing the alarming statistics of the plummeting birth rates from 1970 onwards in dozens of countries, and also making it personal by showing the suffering of dozens of women around the globe who believed they could delay maternity indefinitely, and too late discovered that they couldn’t.
One impactful scene shows an emotional woman in her thirties who cries out of gratefulness that she had had children when she was younger. This meant she was not in the category of childless women. Upclose she had witnessed the struggles of many women who are dealing with age-related fertility decline, and the loneliness that comes with remaining single and childless until very late in life. Her response was to be grateful about her own life circumstances and specifically for the lives of her children.
Although this is common knowledge to many women, that doesn’t stop it from being upsetting for many: fertility declines with age. According to specialized literature, by the time a woman has reached the age of 30 she has lost around 90% of her ovocytes. When she turns 32 fertility starts declining, and declines very rapidly starting at age 37. After 27, each passing year the probability of becoming pregnant with a first child is lower and lower until you hit 40 and suddenly your chances of having a first child is less than 5%.
I kind of knew all of these for several years, especially because I worked as a healthcare professional myself, though I had never paid that much attention to those facts until last year when I, a 29-year-old single woman, was hit with the fact that having children was becoming less and less likely for me each passing year… And there seemed to be nothing I could do about it.
That I struggled with singleness for a good part of my twenties is no news to those who’ve been familiar with this blog for a while. I’ve written several articles about the topic addressing how I changed my view of marriage from hating it for being a tool of patriarchal oppression, to loving how God designed and gave purpose to it. I wrote about my desire for marriage as a young Christian girl, feeling like an insignificant number—just one single woman among many others, my struggles with feeling like less of a woman given that I was unmarried and childless… Oh, I’ve written a lot about it! And I’m grateful I did. Several women over the years have reached out thanking me for touching on those topics.
But then, a new factor to be anxious about appeared: the seemingly inevitable fate of never becoming a mother. I mean, I was not even close to being in a relationship (in my opinion), let alone being married anytime soon. Having children was a longing of mine, but I couldn’t even allow myself to consider that in my short-term plans.
Needless to say, I had a bit of an existential crisis back then.
And so I did what I always do when I feel overwhelmed by something I can’t control: I turned to research to understand why this is happening to so many women, and to the Bible to understand why I was feeling saddened by this.
What I found was a mix of alarming stats, interesting social phenomena, and soothing truths in Scripture:
What is going on with childlessness around the globe?
Childlessness has been an issue for quite a few years in many countries. It is known that currently 70% of countries worldwide have a total fertility rate of 2 children per woman, which is lower than the rate of population replacement (2,1). The terms are self-explanatory, but for the sake of being abundantly clear, that means that in many societies the elderly population will not be replaced by the younger one, because babies, children and youths are going extinct.
The aforementioned 70% includes all the industrialized countries with no exception, and it’s been years since we have been witnessing the effects of this: an inverted population pyramid in many countries, large expenses on healthcare for elderly people in countries where very few babies are being born, openness to mass migration to the European Union, lack of workforce, etc. In countries like Italy, Germany, China, Japan and South Korea, the government has had to take the issue in their hands and implement policies that encourage adults in their fertile years to marry and have children.
The thing is: why is this happening? It’s not a new phenomenon. The birth rates have been steadily declining since the 70’s.
Leftist indoctrination
Many schools around the globe have implemented progressive and leftist ideologies into their curricula, encouraged (or forced) by their governments. Many entertainment industries and traditional media have taken on the task of indoctrinating young people with feminist, environmentalist and critical race theory talking points, which have led many, many young people to discard paternity from their plans altogether.
Young people are being told it would be irresponsible to have children given the “state of the world”, referring to climate change, discrimination, poverty and inflation. Many women are being told they must prioritize their careers and individual dreams while delaying maternity indefinitely by freezing their eggs, seeking reproductive assistance (e.g. IVF) later on when they are “ready” to have a child, and to make use of abortion clinics when they feel they need to. Students are being taught the world can’t take on more humans, because overpopulation will cause poverty and famines, and worldwide disasters.
I will not discuss in this article why each of those claims are nonsense. Suffice it to say we need to look beyond what the “experts” say in the media, and start looking at what the Word of God teaches and search for actual facts that can shed some light on these issues.
What I will discuss though is that many women have believed they can actually delay maternity indefinitely. They have been told that no matter their age they can always turn to the new technologies in order to have a child. Medical professionals and proponents of these technologies have given a false sense of assurance to thousands of women who trusted they could delay having children and are now faced with the fact that they will never have one. The ship has sailed and they are stuck in the childless shore.
Now, I understand that not all women have remained single and childless out of personal choice or because of the leftist indoctrination. Many have been intentional in dating, learning about marriage and motherhood, and have been open about wanting to marry and have a family in their younger years. And yet, God’s plans were different to theirs.
If you are one of those ladies: I hear you and I’m with you. God’s timing was different to mine as well. In His providence He gave me many years to learn to be patient and find my joy and worth in Christ alone before He decided to give me a wonderful husband, a precious gift I treasure. I know waiting and trusting God can be very, very challenging to say the least but it’s worth it. What I want to say ultimately is that whether you land on the first group of women, or the second, these biblical truths apply to you.
What does the Bible say about all of this?
Your desire to be a wife and mother is natural and good. God designed you to be a suitable helper to a husband and a nurturer to children. Moreover, God gave men and women an explicit command to multiply and fill the earth in Genesis 1:28.
And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
In Genesis 2:18-25 it is described how among all the creatures God had created, none was found to be a suitable help to Adam, thus Eve comes in the story:
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed[b] every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made[d] into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,
“This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.”
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
So early into the Word of God, Genesis 2, we learn that man would leave his parents and become one flesh with his wife. The passage includes a beautiful poem from Adam for his God-given wife. Here we learn that God created men, and women in His image, and that He is the one who designed marriage, the nuclear family and designated the roles.
Secular societies have spread the erroneous idea that women must lead, and succeed in academia and the work field in order to have the same value as men. Feminism and other ideological trends encourage young women to delay or outright reject marriage and motherhood. However, we know the truth: God has made us equal to men in value, but different in design, and that is something good. It was God’s will that this should be.
What can women do now?
To finish up this article I would like to share some practical ideas that might help you if you are one of the women who desires to be a mother, but you have reached an age where fertility decline has become an issue, or perhaps you are a single lady who is facing the uncertainty of how the future will look like for you.
Pray. As I mentioned in the previous section, it is a good desire to want to be a wife and mother. It is good to embrace the design God has given us, but it can also be a struggle when our plans are not coming to fruition. So pray to God that He will lead you each step of the way and sanctify you as you wait patiently. Present your longings and hopes to the Lord, and be willing to accept His will and timing even if they don’t match yours.
Learn the biblical grounds for marriage and motherhood. I know it’s hard to be intentional in doing this while being single. Becoming discontent with your current marital status is always a temptation when you’re trying to read about marriage, prepare for it in practical ways, and spend time with married couples. But it’s doable! Preparing theologically and practically for marriage and motherhood beforehand while trusting God with your hopes and longings is one of the best things you can do!
You can study Ephesians, Proverbs, Titus or theologically-sound books to this aim. You can be intentional in spending more time with your parents and other married couples and their children, especially older women who can teach you and give you a realistic view of what marriage is actually like. You can start practicing putting other’s well being before your own too. We are all called to do this anyway, so be more intentional in practicing selflessness whatever your circumstances are.
Thrive to be healthy! If you are a woman in her twenties or thirties and you wish to be a mother one day, let me tell you this: The quantity and quality of your eggs will diminish over time. That is a natural process. However, even if you are on the younger side, the quality of your eggs are greatly impacted by your bad habits. Thus, it is good to be extra intentional in having a healthy diet, exercising, eliminating harmful habits like sedentarism, smoking or drinking alcohol, irregular sleep, and others. Go to the doctor, do the blood tests, be aware of potential chronic diseases you are prone to, and be proactive in enhancing your health and physiological performance! Your older self will thank you for caring for your body now, and your eggs will be positively impacted on the way.
In conclusion…
It is easy to feel like powerless numbers whose fate is in the hands of statistical trends, but we are actually in the hands of a loving Father who knows and cares for each and every one of our longings. We must trust Him, He is in control of absolutely everything. We must also, however, be responsible for our actions and be intentional in praying, preparing for marriage, and caring for the body He has given us. Let’s go forward actively seeking to honor God with the way we steward our time as single ladies, and as women who have not yet been blessed with children.
