I remember my season of singleness well. I had dreams of getting married right after college and starting a family in my mid-twenties. When I was 30 years old, I found myself unmarried with no possible husband on the horizon. Time had passed, and I was still waiting. While I now look back as a 35-year old woman who has been married for 3 years, the lessons the Lord taught me about waiting during my season of singleness have made a lasting impact on my walk with the Lord. I learned the struggle is real, that hope is real, and the wait is worth it.
The struggle of waiting for a husband is REAL!
As I turned thirty and was still single, I spent many sleepless nights wondering “Is there something wrong with me? Why is it so easy for everyone else to find a spouse but for me it is the hardest thing ever? How long do I have to wait? Is there anyone out there for me?”
I was tired of waiting.
I could not stand to watch another girl younger than me arrive at the seminary where I studied, spend a semester there, start a relationship and then get engaged and marry within the span of six months.
I was done. My clock was ticking. Time was passing, and my husband was still nowhere to be seen. I felt discouraged and hopeless.
Dear sister, can you relate? Maybe your story is like mine. Maybe you are also wondering why you are still single in this season of your life and you feel like your life has not yet started. Let me validate your pain by saying that the struggle is real. You are not crazy. Waiting for a godly man is indeed hard.
And it is so because we were not created to be alone (Genesis 2:18). God created Adam and enjoyed fellowship with him but still said it was not good for man to be alone. We were created for relationships with one another, and marriage is the most intimate of relationships. God has created women to be helpers and nurturers and to enjoy intimacy in marriage. With that desire deferred, loneliness and longing for a husband was a reality.
During this season of my life, I had well-intentioned people asking me to rejoice in the Lord and to repent for my lack of contentment. I felt guilty for feeling dissatisfied in God and for desiring a husband and a family. I was told I had made an idol out of marriage and that God would never give me something He will have to compete with.
When I heard these things I was devastated. I was convinced God was upset at me and, therefore, He would never bless me with marriage. I was cursed.
It felt as though God was withholding marriage from me, and I didn’t understand why. I had the desire for marriage. Yet, years passed by, and I was still unmarried. Then, a friend shared with me that the Lord was involved in my waiting, not looking to punish me but to help me. This began to give me hope.
True Hope is Found in God, Not Marriage
The verse my friend shared with me was Psalm 84:10-12:
“For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness. For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you!”
The Lord used this verse to help me see my real need. I needed to remember who God was. I needed to worship the Lord for who He was and is, not for what He can give me. I needed to learn how to trust in the Lord practically and not in theory.
Psalm 84 starts by speaking of the loveliness of God’s presence and His dwelling place. This helped me examine my heart and ask myself these questions: “Do I enjoy being in the presence of God? Does my heart and my flesh sing for joy in His presence? If not, why not?” The psalm says in verse 3 and 4,
“Even the sparrow finds a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young, at your altars, O Lord of hosts, my King and my God. Blessed are those who dwell in your house, ever singing your praise!”
Faced with the truth of Scripture, I was faced with the questions, “Do I feel secure in the presence of the Lord? Do I find rest in Him not only during this season but all the seasons in my life?”
I realized my idol was not marriage, but what I believed I would get from it. Marriage was just a bridge that would make my dreams come true. Marriage equaled a prince charming that would rescue me from a future filled with uncertainty. This prince would provide all the physical security and peace of mind I believe God couldn’t provide.
The Lord in His kindness led me to repentance and I was able to stop seeing God as the enemy and see my own sin as the enemy.
In consequence, instead of trying to rush through this period of singleness, I started the process of intentional sacrificial living, praying for a husband while actively serving my church and community. I started to thank God for the God-given desire to be a wife and a mother and was reminded that those desires had to lead me to pray not only for a husband but for a heart that would trust in Him even if He didn’t have one for me.
The Lord was teaching me to trust and wait.
Waiting on the Lord is Worth it
Years went by and God provided a husband. And now I can see that the Lord allowed both of us to wait as long as we did so that we would understand who our real security is, who the real savior is, and who would truly satisfy us in every single way. Our real hope is NOT in each other but in the Lord. Jesus is the one who gave His life for us and provides an eternity with no uncertainty.
Dear sister, wait on the Lord, pray for a husband freely but pray for your heart while waiting. May He give you the rest you need as you enjoy time in His presence. May you rejoice in Him who is sovereign.
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