Marriage: something horrible or something beautiful?
It all depends on your perspective… Because when you start seeing things in the light of what you can find in this world, everything begins to distort and corrupt: marriage, work, friendships, government, family, etc.
It’s worrying and surprising at the same time, how often can one hear single or married people, young or old, and non-believers, talking about how “despicable” or “horrible” marriage can be, incredible the way it has deteriorated to the point where divorce is not lamented but celebrated.
Talking with someone I realized why some people think this way: they’re only observing one part of humanity, the part that abandons God’s plan to do whatever seems right to them. And what fruits do they see? Deceit, manipulation, love of money, infidelity, fights, lies, divorces, neglect, indifference, selfishness, violence, abandonment, and so on. Wives seeking the so-called “empowerment” of women are willing to leave their homes to pursue what the world is selling them. Husbands who are violent or willing to do anything for money. In truth, many more patterns can be found to discover why marriage doesn’t seem to be working.
Looking at just that, which is no small thing, who could possibly want to get married or who could still admire the beauty of marriage? I can almost understand why some people think it’s so horrible, undesirable, and even inadvisable… But now, let’s see what marriage should really be like:
“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth…” (Genesis 1:1)
Some of you may be wondering why I went so far back in the timeline… And it’s for this reason:
During those seven days of creation, God created man, and what did the Lord say? “…the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.’” (Genesis 2:18) It is there that marriage was instituted.
This was instituted BEFORE, not after, the Fall… Marriage was not a consequence of man’s disobedience. Sin had a great impact on it, yes, but what we saw at the beginning of this article was not what God designed.
God Himself instituted marriage; He created it, and in that sense, He has all authority to dictate how it should be. We have clear instructions in His Word: the role of the husband, as well as the wife, and also the roles they will fulfill as father and mother in a home.
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” (Ephesians 5:22-24)
The woman’s submission is fundamental in marriage… The Word itself warns us that, because of sin, the woman will want to take the man’s place (Genesis 3:16). Someone must be the head of the household, and that is the man’s role. There will be times when they cannot agree on something, and it is the man who will have to decide what will be done. And what should the woman do? Submit.
Why? It’s what the Word says, reason enough to embrace this design… Can you say you are wiser than God? Can you say it would be better any other way?
“Anything with two heads is a monster,” Voddie Baucham said. The Godless World labels submission as backward and sexist. It cannot see the beauty in God’s design for women, and young women may find it unthinkable when they ignore God’s calling to men.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:25-33)
Husbands and wives are called to be the first example and reflection of the way Christ loved his church.
Do you want to know how Christ loved? Philippians 2:5-8 says:
“Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross!”
Christ, the very only begotten Son of God, came in the form of a man to die for those who cried out before that cross, “Crucify Him!”, those who persecuted His beloved church.
Can you imagine it? That’s the kind of love husbands should be striving to reflect toward their wives. What wouldn’t they be willing to do for their wives? Look at Christ! He gave up everything, was humiliated, and died on a cross for those who saw him as an enemy they needed to get rid of.
Christ chose the church, made it the object of His love, and acted for its benefit until the very end. He lived and died for it.
I’m not the only one in these times who has heard horrible comments about being a husband or wife, especially in relation to submission. As if it were the lowest point a woman could reach. “Did you see how Christians try to dominate women?”, “Did you see how it ties you down and you’re not free?”, “Marriage clips your wings”, “How can they make you a slave?”, “The patriarchy this… And men that…” Surrounded by comments like these I decide to stick with the words of my pastor: “What other religion places women in such high esteem that it commands men to sacrifice themselves for them? NONE.”
In my opinion, the men bear the greater burden because he is expected to lead in his home in biblical love, to lead and provide for his family spiritually and materially, to maintain its purity, and to be an example of selflessness and leadership in intimacy (these are some points that Voddie Baucham highlights and addresses in a series of sermons on marriage that I recommend you take the time to watch; I’ll leave the link at the end of this article). This is the calling for a man who wants to start a family; it truly carries a great deal of responsibility. Many single men may shy away from such a responsibility, but that’s because they don’t know the infinite joy that a wife and children will bring, and because they forget that God will sustain them throughout the process and bless their efforts to faithfully obey His commands.
A Christian marriage, which seeks to conform to God’s design, still takes place between two sinful people, and therefore will not be perfect, nor easy… But I have been blessed to see many couples around me who, despite the weakness of the flesh, live seeking to obey what God has commanded in His Word. They cling firmly to that rock, going against the grain of the culture. Why? Because God knows what is best, and above all, it is what will bring the greatest glory to His name. And how beautiful are the results when a couple loves God! What one observes is the complete opposite of what is commonly seen in a society that hates God’s design for man and woman and therefore perverts the meaning of marriage.
If you are tempted to see it through the eyes of the world, stop and begin to see it through the eyes of the One who designed it. Stop and observe the other part of humanity that is seeking to honor God with their marriages… Now, can you see THE BEAUTY OF MARRIAGE?
